Stocks & Blondes
6
Airport security
AIRPORTS ARE TRICKY if you are traveling in disguise. Not that I am right now, but this is my opportunity to check out both Seattle and Savannah, since next time I won’t be me. It’s nearly four in the afternoon Savannah time, where I’ll be landing in about an hour and a half. I’ve got a round trip ticket but I’ll be flying back on a different ticket, under a different name. That’s risky.
Technically, there’s nothing illegal about wearing a disguise or costume on an airplane—at least mostly. People change their appearance all the time. I can put on a different wig, gain weight, grow up (or maybe not), and even grow or shave facial hair. I can wear different makeup, change the color of my eyes with contacts, or even fake a limp.
What I can’t do legally is travel with someone else’s identity papers. Me and the law disagree. That’s what I plan to do coming back.
Undercover
Why? When everything is at risk, why try to change identities? It’s not like it was when I flew to Belize as a man. Face it, I was desperate and didn’t have time to change identities. But you just can’t risk making a mistake when you have to get somewhere. The only way to be ready is to practice.
Dag warned me not to take unnecessary risks. I know he used a false identity when he investigated the Condo but as far as I know he never tried to disguise himself or to travel under a different identity. Every time I walk through an airport in disguise, I up the ante. It’s getting harder and harder to get through. Of course, that’s good, right? No one wants a terrorist to pretend to be someone else and walk onto a plane carrying explosives. But detecting false identity isn’t the problem in detecting terrorists. What do they care if their identity is known after they blow something up?
When I walk through airport security, I can spot the highest risk candidates in an instant and it has nothing to do with what they look like. There’s something wrong with the way they walk and the way they look at the TSA agent. They don’t know where to look because they don’t know what the agent is looking for.
A TSA agent looks at your boarding pass and ID to verify you are the person authorized to travel by the ticketing agent, who is supposed to verify things like if you are traveling with too much luggage. They might even have a miniature UV light to shine on your pass to see if it has been tampered with. While the agent is looking at the ID and boarding pass, that’s where you should look. Then comes the clincher: The security agent is required to look at the face of every adult passenger. When the agent looks at me, I look at him or her. It doesn’t make a difference if I smile or cry. If I make eye contact when the agent looks up from my boarding pass, he slides past the rest of my face. Try it sometime. See if you can look at the rest of a person’s face when they are looking you in the eye.
You can speed your way through security if you just do what they say to, as well. Don’t be searching for your boarding pass or your ID when you get to the agent. That doesn’t distract them. It makes them look at you more closely. Hand it to him facing him with the ID on top of the boarding pass. Let go of it when he takes it. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen look like they are going to fight the agent for their boarding pass. He practically has to jerk it out of their hands. Then he’s more likely to examine you carefully. What’s with this idiot?
Passing airport security starts before you ever get to the airport. Everything should be set before you enter the door. You should have nothing in your pockets but pocket lint. Remove your belt and wear slip-on shoes. Take off your jacket and take out your laptop. Stow everything else you don’t need to show security in your carry-on. Yes, that includes your cellphone. Don’t carry liquids. Period. You can buy shampoo, hand lotion, saline, or anything else you really need in an airport shop on the other side of security, or better yet, wait until you arrive at your destination.
Here’s another tip: Carry a plastic sandwich bag and stuff any pocket change, your cellphone, your wallet and credit cards and money, and your jewelry in it. Put that on top of everything else in your carry-on bag. Once you’re through security, you can grab that one little plastic bag off the top and completely re-equip yourself in thirty seconds. I don’t carry a purse—ever. It takes me ten seconds to get my stuff on the conveyor belt for x-ray. It takes me another ten seconds to gather it up and leave the security station. The less time you spend there, the less likely you are to be pulled aside.
None of that is unique to traveling in disguise. Just do it. Your fellow-travelers will thank you. Not really, but they would if they knew you were doing it. People who are trying to conceal things often make a big deal out of something else, falsely thinking it will distract the agent’s attention from what they don’t want discovered. Wrong. They just get examined more carefully.
Here’s my last bit about negotiating an airport in disguise. You might think you should find the shortest, fastest moving line at security. Unless you are traveling first class or with a platinum frequent flyer card, forget it. Those are the lines most subject to impromptu searches. I like to stand directly behind the husband, wife, and three kids, who have a stroller, diaper bag, and half their household goods to push through the x-ray. As soon as they get through, the agent at the scanner wants to get the line moving as quickly as possible. The next half dozen people will sail through the checkpoint before they decide they can afford to slow the line down again. You will already be at your gate.
Seattle to Savannah is an eight-hour trip with a connection in Chicago. I’m flying coach. I don’t need to and I know Dag would fly business class on such a long trip, but Grover insists he is paying my expenses. I don’t believe he can afford my expenses but he wants to see the receipts and I’m not going to bill him for expensive airfares on the way to Savannah. And Peg would never fly business class.
When I get to Savannah, I’ll check into a modest hotel not far from the airport. That’s where I’ll change identity. Don’t believe those movies that show people changing appearance in an airport. It’s trickier than it appears, especially if you are doing anything extreme like I am. When I went from Mexico to Croatia, all I did was change clothes and slouch a little to throw that bastard Ray off my trail. I didn’t try to make the trip under a different identity. On the way back, I switched from male to female on the train before we changed in Milan. From there, crossing national borders was all done as me.
Well, now you know the secret spy stuff of traveling with a false identity and disguise. The flight attendant just announced that we’re on approach, so I’ll shut down the computer and make sure my seatback is in its upright and most uncomfortable position.
Comments
Please feel free to send comments to the author at devon@devonlayne.com.
